I am cordially invited...

   I was doing a crossword puzzle today, and the answer to one of the clues was Beleaguered, and I remembered that I had something new to post here. No, it's not a poem. It is, however, another letter from those silver-tongued devils at Poetry.com. Here is how this one starts out:

A hush suddenly falls over the audience...imagine yourself at an international gathering of over a thousand poets...publishers...editors...your friends and family...all waiting expectantly for the announcement. Finally it comes...

"Ladies and gentlemen and fellow poets...the winner of the largest cash prize ever awarded to an amateur poet...our Poet of the Year for 2005...and Grand Prize winner of $20,000.00 is...

Paul Little!"

You make your way to the stage amidst the sound of thunderous applause and a standing ovation from your new friends.

We're familiar with your work, Paul, and you know...
it could happen just that way!

   Wow! Are you excited? I'm excited. The letter goes on:

Dear Paul

I would like to inform you of your nomination as Poet of the year for 2005 and to personally invite you to read your poetry at the single largest gathering of poets in history, where you will be formally inducted as an International Poet of Merit and Honored member of our Society for 2005-2006.

Your induction will take place Friday, August 19th, in the United States capital, Washington, D.C., during the 2005 International Society of Poets Summer Convention and Symposium.

You will also be honored with two separate and very special awards for your poetic acheivement.

First, to honor and commemorate your poetic accomplishments, after you present your poetry in front of fellow poets from around the world, you will be presented with your "Outstanding Acheivement in Poetry" Silver Award Bowl. The award is a magnificent work of art in itself (a $200.00 value), uniquely engraved and mounted on a beautiful cherry-wood base. This impressive Silver Award Bowl is so large and heavy, you may need an extra suitcase just to carry it home!

And Paul, there's much more...

In recognition of your poetry, we will also create and present to you a beautiful and colorful Commemorative Award Medallion to honor your poetic dedication and achievements.

   Wait a minute. Didn't I already win both a Silver Award Bowl, and a Commemorative Award Medallion? I thought so. I guess, since I didn't buy-I mean claim-my award last time, that they thought they'd give me another chance.
   The rest of the package is pretty standard: an order form explaining just how much it is going to cost me to accept these wondrous honors. It seems that I can attend the Convention in D.C. for a measly $595.00. That's, uh, not including accomodation, or any meals. Hmm, a little math here...they said thousands of poets would be attending, didn't they? At $595 each? That's a pretty big haul.
  Wait a minute again. I didn't get to the last page yet. Listen to this: entertaining at the Convention all weekend long will be... Tony Orlando. Well, that makes it all worth it.

edit: June 30. Since I received this via snail mail, I have received the identical missive three times via e-mail. They're nothing if not persistant.

edit: Five minutes later. Oh my God! While I was writing the previous edit, my inbox chimed, and it was another one of those letters. What does that mean?